The last two weeks have really worn me out emotionally, mentally, and physically. I have started this post multiple times; so it may not make a lot of sense.
I have had lots of stress worrying about my daughter and her situation. I am also very tired of the political climate. I am frustrated with how so many Christians are more comfortable with hate and greed than they are with love and mercy.
I have thought to myself of late that my faith in God is hanging by a thread but my faith in the church is dead. As I have sat with this and with my frustration I have found a few scriptures and thoughts that are coming to my mind. I do not want to embrace these, but they are truth and so I must. The question is can I embrace them?
One of the thoughts is of Matthew 5:44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you. Look at that verse all my life it is been there but never as clearly as today. Love, bless, do good for those who use and persecute you.
Who wants to do that? I want to stay angry with them, how dare they embrace such evil and claim to be Christian?
Then in Matthew 7: 1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
Do not judge, easy to say to others hard to say to myself. But look at the second part of that verse. The measure I use will be used to measure me. Now one thing that I know beyond anything else, is that I need a lot of mercy and forgiveness. So, if I want that mercy I must give it. In this current day and situation, I am having a very difficult time doing that.
Now I look at verses 3 thru 5; basically this sums up to me that I need to look at myself first and foremost. Which brings me to what I think is the true point of the Bible despite what most conservative Christians seem to believe. God’s word is for me to reflect and better myself. It is not be used against those around me. I need to focus on how I am living my life. Am I being kind? Am I being loving? Am I being humble? Am I being merciful and forgiving? Or am I being self righteous? Am I being cruel? Am I being judgmental?
I must change how I look at the world, and that is going to be very difficult in the culture that we have developed. It will be a struggle. But I must keep my actions and thoughts in check with what I believe the Bible teaches.
I am not sure when or if I will ever desire to return to church. But God is working on me, I have found an online congregation that has helped me keep my connection with God. Maybe someday they will help me return to a church somewhere. Anything is possible.